Black Consciousness vs. Gangster Mentality

Well i went cd shopping and bought the "Blackstar" CD from Mos Def and Talib and it was better than i thought it was going to be with so much collected wisdom i am gonna have to put it in the top 5 cd rotation.

As for other more personal thoughts I was talking to a friend of mine from my upstate new york state college And I realized that my College is gully like a brooklyn High school. Like no one is popping off but god damn is their a lot of petty violence up there. And the worse part of this realization is that I have helped make it this way (long story.........)

Now here I am trying to raise my consciousness by engaging my reality as an African American for what it really is. And I am having conversations about how "So and So is a pussy" and that " you know who is just a poser from the suburbs" god protect me.

I am not even sure I should right down these feelings just cause this might be seen as glorifying a past that while I accept and am far from proud of. Like not for nothing I really wonder can i move on with my future as a college educated "black man" and not completely deny my past as a "crazy niggas"

And then i watch my favorite cartoon "the Boondocks" and my shame only grows cause just like characters like Ajax from the "Warriors" (my favorite old school movie) and Gansterlicious from "the Boondocks" I see the inherent homosexuality that is involved with the hypermasculinity of that lifestyle, damn being a thug is just not something to be proud of. Especially when you consider most thugs are not brave just hyper agressive and followers of a pack mentality.